Channel-surfing last night, I caught the tail-end of this movie on cable. Even though I have a DVD copy and have already watched it several times, it sucked me in. Yes, for most of the movie, they just took melodramatic touches we’re all familiar with and strung it all together, but somehow, they made it work. Maybe it was the setting. I’ve always loved period movies. When you’re watching something set let’s say in the 1940s like The Notebook, somehow, emotions seem amplified. Without most of the distractions and noise of modern life, everything seems more pure, more sincere. And when the two lovers were apart for many years, the movie got so many things right: the pining, the confusion, the loneliness.

Of course I know only too well how it feels like to pine.  The difference is I’m longing for someone I haven’t actually met.  But I am holding on to the hope that it would happen, and it would happen soon.

My friend Kate asked me recently, what is the Lord telling me? 

Well, the Lord and I, we’ve come a long way when it comes to my love life.  Years and years ago, when I was trying to get over a very painful breakup, I was also trying to deal with the fact that if I wasn’t so hard-headed, I wouldn’t have been in that situation to begin with.  I started seeing red flags early on in that relationship, but I forged on, thinking, he was my choice, now I have to stand by it. 

Sitting in the MRT one day, as the train passed by that curve after Ortigas Station, even though I hadn’t been to church in years, I said a small prayer…  Lord, kung hindi rin naman siya, ‘wag mo na lang siya paratingin.  That was my way of saying, I don’t want any more heartbreak Lord.  I’ve made mistakes before, so now, harangin niyo na lang Lord, kung hindi siya talaga ang para sa akin.  

Fast forward a few (alright, more than a few) years… now I’d sometimes insert in my prayers, Lord naman, siniryoso niyo naman yata masyado yung prayer ko; joke lang yun… Because really, in that whole time, I hadn’t met anyone who presented a solid possibility for a love life.

There are times I wonder if those thoughts that flit through my mind sometimes is from God… you know, the ones that run along the lines of you will never get married; this is your life, you’ll always be alone.  But if those thoughts are from God, why don’t I feel peace after considering these thoughts? 

I particularly remember this incident when one of my friends at work joked about the fact that I’ve been single for ages.  An acquaintance heard our exchange and asked, out of curiosity, how long it has been.  It was a simple question, but I couldn’t answer it because I was afraid of how it would make me seem.  I was probably man kryptonite for having no boyfriend for that number of years, right?

That night I really sought the Lord, and since then, I’ve held on to this promise:

                “Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
                Do not fear disgrace, you will not be humiliated.”

                                                                        Isaiah 54:4

Somehow, I knew I can hold on to these words when it comes to waiting for the man that the Lord had picked for me… because the waiting would not be in vain. 

In the past, there were times that I thought there was no way my prayers would be answered in a particular area of my life.  But seemingly out of nowhere, those answers would come.  I know the same thing would happen here.  One day, after all the pining, I would be reunited with that someone that the Lord had intended for me at the very beginning. 

And the music would swell, butterflies would flit all around us, and I’d know, all will be well.

Alright, maybe that’s a bit too much.  I don’t live inside a movie after all.  Strike out the butterflies, I guess…